can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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