thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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