you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
