D3 body, D1 cock
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
