Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
