It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize