This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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