It's Friday. Sex?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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