Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nut hugger
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish you could order shots online.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
