I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
