Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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