Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
