she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
