did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
