TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
