Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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