She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
