I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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