my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
