You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize