On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
