Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
