I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
