i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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