I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
God I need to hump something, right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
