Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize