It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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