Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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