He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize