so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize