too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've blown a few things in my day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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