feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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