sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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