I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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