Apparently you make a good broom.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize