His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize