It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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