Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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