Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
