my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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