i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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