But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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