Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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