I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize