I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
