I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize