youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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