Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
