eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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