Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
