my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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