no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
