is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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