Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
