even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize