Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize