bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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