I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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