Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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