I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
