She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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