was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
