when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
