Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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