This is not my ceiling
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I look better un-naked...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
