Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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