The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
