Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
