Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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