i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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