just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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