If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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