I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
