Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
